


A Wish Made Permanent

by t0talcha0s



Series: Permanence [6]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dirk tops, I guess they became a thing last time but w/e, M/M, POV Caliborn, Relationship Beginnings, Sex, sorta - Freeform, talking about feelings and emotions, the one and only time in all of my fics, we've reached the end here guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-08
Updated: 2015-06-08
Packaged: 2018-04-03 10:27:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4097494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/t0talcha0s/pseuds/t0talcha0s
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You have never been one to talk about, let alone deal with this kind of shit. You think you want a relationship. If you're being honest you don't know. </p><p>You just want Dirk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Wish Made Permanent

**Author's Note:**

> Kiss me with your fist it's all right  
> Wrap your hands around my throat I won't mind  
> I'm permanent, now I won't go  
> \- be you shadow, the wombats
> 
> So sit me down and shut me up and pin me to the floor  
> Tell me everything's alright promise that I'll need nothing more  
> \- tough guy, Cyberbully mom club
> 
> I swear, We could be gigantic, everything I need  
> Vicodin on Sunday nights  
> This could be worth the risk, worth the guarantee  
> This could be the drug that never bites  
> Just give me a try  
> \- give me a try, the wombats 
> 
> It's always like this.  
> \- first line of you almost wish it was permanent 
> 
> Headcanon: Dirk only tops when he wants the sex to mean something.

Dirk is a pain in the ass. Well, usually you're the pain in his, but ever since this damned 'relationship' business started, he's been a bitch to contact. You've played by his rules, you've texted him, the two of you have gone on 'dates', you don't try to get into his pants every time you see him. It's a commitment, and it's weird, especially given the moment said commitment began, to his request, he's been eluding your grasp. Today, however he's in front of you, and you put your hands on his shoulders to keep him sitting on your couch because you're almost afraid he'd escape. To get him into this situation you had to be pretty damn crafty. His sister hates you, and you hate the bitch almost as much, and you wouldn't dare think of trying to contact his brother, so you had to think hard. Luckily, with a coincidental find on a 'family friend's' Facebook you knew exactly who to call. 

"You need to talk to me. About Dirk?" Confusion was evident in her voice, and she raised a black eyebrow at you. 

"Yes." It took all your effort not to call her a bitch. "Just tell me. Jane." 

"What business do you have with Dirk Strider?" 

"Skank-" You cut yourself off. "Crocker. It's not important." 

"I disagree, we have talked all of once. That was to introduce ourselves at a business meeting. What the hell has you calling me up about my friend? How do you even know him!?" 

"We're 'dating'." She scoffed. 

"You?" There was a hint of mirth in her voice. "And Dirk?" You nodded. "And you're having trouble getting ahold of him." She gave an outright laugh at that. "Caliborn, I'd love to help you in your, seemingly sketchy, when did this happen, romantic ventures with my best friend, but Dirk Strider is a clingy boyfriend. He's usually an extremely overbearing presence to his boyfriends, and you're telling me he won't even answer the phone?" You let out a gruff huff. 

"Yes." She snickers. 

"Well, sure, but for science, we're not suddenly friends or anything, you've still been nothing but rude to me in all of our endeavors." 

"Good." 

So you pulled in a few favors with the Crocker whore and now he's here, in front of you, and you're at a loss. You have no idea what to say. 

"Do you remember the first time we met?" Is what blurts out of your mouth. 

"Yes. You had me suck your dick, and you came in like ten seconds flat, and then ate me out because apparently you didn't want to leave me hanging but can't suck cock to save your life." 

"Okay. Not what I was trying to get at." 

"Our story's not really romantic Cal. We met, we fucked, a lot, let's not forget the whole statu-"

"We don't talk about that." He chuckles and it makes something tender catch inside you. 

"Right. My bad. What I'm saying is there really wasn't much substance behind our relationship before. For gods sake we've only been on a few dates, I don't know what you expect out of me." 

"Someone who acts like he wants to be in the commitment he started." Though his eyes are covered you can feel him blink at you. "The day you asked me out you were excited to be dating me. What happened?" 

"Do you want to know the truth or do you want some shitty lie to make us both feel better." You actually contemplate it before inwardly kicking yourself and spouting out,

"The truth of fucking course." Dirk nods. 

"Alright." You can tell his breath is deeper before he speaks. "We had such a seemingly smooth, functional, whatever the fuck it was we had. It worked." 

"Got you in trouble with a lot of your 'boyfriends'." 

"Those were all kind of time-wasters. There was never any real commitment." 

"Well is this any different?" 

"Of course this is different. I don't know what it is with you, about you, what kind of absolutely malfunction springs up inside me when I'm with you. I just," he lets out a breath he was obviously holding. "I don't know. It's weird, it's new it's different and I'm not sure this is a jungle I want to forge a path through." 

"It's not a fucking jungle Strider. It's a fairly clear path. This isn't rocket science, though I figure you could probably tackle some rocket science." 

"Just seems like a lot of physics and problem solving, I mean I'm an engineer it's just specialized enginee- this is off track again. You're getting me off track." 

"Well the first time you got me off track." 

"Well lets get back on track. The truth is Caliborn," you still love the way your name sounds on his tongue. "It's a lot of new, strange commitment for us and I'm not sure either of us knows how to handle it. Hell, I am very interested in you, sure in more then a sexual way, even though that was never disappointing with us."

"Where did you learn that thing with your-"

"We're going to get off track and end up fucking if you bring that up."

"Right, right continue. Though we're good at that. We should do that again sometime." 

"Caliborn." He says it like a warning and you feel warmth spread through you, dissipating into a barely there snort of a laugh. "Later, now I'm just trying to think of some way to quantify the fact that I like you. Yes I like you, and I don't want to lose you. I enjoy your company and your voice and the idiotic fucking way you take up the whole couch when I'm about to beat your ass at video games." 

"You also enjoy me in your ass."

"Caliborn!" He says with no malice and you actually laugh this time; you can see his features twitch just the tiniest bit upwards before returning to normal. "You're just. So damn insufferable and I want to spend so much time with you I'm just," he pauses to think, as if he can't articulate it. 

"Too horny around me?" 

"You disgusting, vile man I am trying to tell you that I'm just freaked out." He says the first part more amused then angry and it makes you smile, but you turn it into a cocky smirk just to piss him off. 

"You're scared?" It's more sincere then teasing even if you say it so. 

"Freaked out," he corrects "about this whole fucking situation. You're much different from any other boyfriend I've had and I want to be serious about this." You can feel yourself frown a little. 

"I am serious about this, aren't you?" 

"I-" 

"I never would have said I would date you if I wasn't one hundred percent committed to be in a real, actual relationship with you. I agreed to your terms because they seemed like fairly reasonable terms and I was interested in keeping to them. I know I'm not the best boyfriend but I swear to god the sheer amount of times we've been intimate and you can't be truthful with me about simple fucking facts regarding our relationship?" You know your face is dusted with a light pink but talking so emotionally always does that to you. You want to be in a relationship with him, you've always taken your real relationships slowly. Your first girlfriend wasn't the first woman, the first person even, that you'd fucked, but she was the first one you kissed sweetly, held hands with, that you'd loved. Affection and sensation were completely different things, and this whole situation with Dirk started with sensation and was never supposed to bridge the gap. Yet, here you are, here he is, and god help you you want him. You want to hold him and love him and date him, and you're sure your cheeks are flaming due to the thought. You don't have time to tell because his warm hands settle over your cheeks and his lips are on yours and you're home. Before you can kiss him back too much he backs away, mumbling close to you. 

"I want to do this with you, a relationship, not just sex." He thinks for a moment. "Though we should do that too." 

"Right now?"

"That's the part you chose to focus on?" 

"Didn't answer my question." 

"Yes right now." 

"Hell yes." And his hands are on your shoulders and he gently pushes you back on the ouch, and he's kissing you like he could breath you in. This is much different from the usual frenzied sex, and you can tell he means something with it. 

"That," you say when it's all over and you're standing on your balcony, Dirk likes to look out over the city and breath in the fresh air after sex. "Was the lewdest thing we have ever done."

"I'm guessing you don't take it up the ass much then." 

"I don't make a habit of it. Don't know why you enjoy it so much." You may be griping but your ass doesn't even hurt. He took so long, so much unusually gentle preparation for you that it's nothing but a vague, dull throb now. You wrap your arms around his waist, holding him close and warm to you. "You want a smoke?" 

"I'm trying to quit." He nestles himself back against you and it's not so cold in just boxers with him like this. He glances back at you with a small, barely there smile on his face and your heart catches and you kiss him gently. You're so happy with how this turned out, he's yours and he loves you and affection and sensation have blended, and it's so sweet and tender you could cry. You hope it's always like this.

**Author's Note:**

> And we're back where we began. I just want to thank each and everyone who read this all. Permanence will always mean so much to me and I've grown so much from just writing it. I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes because I cannot express the meaning permanence will always have to me, much less the gratitude I have for all of you. Thank you for sticking with me through all this. 
> 
> If you want to come ask me why I didn't write a chapter from the fourth most important character's (the balcony) POV hit me up on tumblr at Barefootcosplayer 
> 
> Thank you all again this whole project has opened up so much for me and I can't be more appreciative or emotional right now. <3.


End file.
